Intelligence is a turn on

Last night I dreamt about F. My first long term relationship, my first steady boyfriend. The dream was not doubt related to my visit to the dentist, since it was me who took him to this dentist and apparently he still goes to her clinic from time to time.
Dentist couldn't help but talking about F. … how she and all her daughters adore him. How astonishingly good looking and nice the guy is.
I've forgotten how tired I got of hearing this. Always the same story.
When we broke up everybody kept asking me why the hell did I dump him. Well, here's the scoop. I'm going to tell you now why the hell I dumped him. I've never told anybody before… that's too nasty to admit in public… too mean to admit even to myself… but It's the plain truth: I was smarter than him by far. I couldn't live with that feeling anymore. I couldn't respect the guy as he deserved…I loved him deeply, but I didn't feel admiration…For me is key to admire my partner, I can't possibly think of sharing my life with a guy that I feel is dumber than me, no way. With an intelligent guy I can never be bored. An intelligent partner makes you learn everyday, makes you want to improve, awakens your curiosity on everything. An intelligent partner adds while a dumb parter substracts. This is how it works for me. I need to look up to my partner or it will never work. It's intelligence that turns me on...

Moving on

To MX: I don't know how I'd manage without you. You've been supporting me in a way nobody could. Sharing my secret… sharing my burden…Crying with me and making me laugh at the same time…I know that you're the only one that is able to fully understand me. Remember: Lo mejor es el ocultismo… ;-))

To PL: You still surprise me. Your strength is unbeleivable. I'm sorry to have disappointed you so much lately, while you've only proven that I can count on you no matter what I do. Admitting that I feel like killing you from time to time, your unconditional love has touched me so much that I can't help but admire you for being like you are.

To all my acquaintances, the people who don't really know me but have noticed I wasn't right and have shown their concern: Thank you guys for your interest… I wish I could tell you what's going on, but I just can't...

Quien resiste vence

Damn. I'm so nervous, so anxious…. Yet holding on… but I'm having such a hard time… damn.
Why are you so stubborn?. I wish I didn't give a shit about you. I promise I'd give anything to get rid of you. Damn. I'd give my right hand to know what you're thinking. Are you determined not to give up also? So it seems….God, ech day is worse than the previous one… I don't know what to do… I don't want to give up but sometimes I just want to call you and shout at you also… ask you why are you so stupid….I thought you loved me more… but just look at you… you think you're cool huh???
I know this is the best for me… but then… why do I feel so bad?
I was even eager to come to the office today. It's always been easier for us to talk in the office…but now I think it's even worse to know you're there…. So close and yet so far.
I believe I can put up with part of your crap. I'm ready to be a submissive girl out of my love for you… I'm ready to be home early and not to go out so much, I'm ready to let my black hair grow… I'm ready to stop going out with my male friends… but I'm not ready to be insulted or disrespected, and I never will. I don't want to be shouted at… I just can't bear it.
Please say something, do something … I don't know if I'll be able to go on like this for many more days. I can't sleep… and when I don't sleep enough I cannot think clearly…. And If I'm not able to think I can do any idiotic thing like calling you or start speaking to you again…..grrrrr

Waiting

I can see you're there. I'm as obssesive as you. I can feel you're feeling the same way I do. I'm almost sure you're constantly checking if I'm connected the same way I'm checking you… But this time I won't give up. I just can't give up. I've been given up too much lately for the sake of my own peace of mind… but I have to put and end to your attitude. It's not about being stubborn this time, believe me, it has nothing to do with that. It's about respecting myself, sticking to my principles. This is not just one of my tantrums. If you don't respond this time this will be the end of you and me. I know our last fights you've been holding on for days… so I don't know for how long I'll have to wait to find out if you love me and if you're ready to put your pride aside for me once more.
You know I'm going to the doc today, since we've been fighting about this also, as you wanted me to find a female doctor… because you don't want any guy to touch or see your woman….(no comments). The thing is I expect you to ask… to show concern if you really care about me.
If you really love me, please let me know… but if you don't, just please let me go… set me free

Demanding, Controlling and Possesive

I'm prepared to be demanded, controlled and possesed, since I'm also demanding and possesive, but I won't put up with being insulted or shouted at. You disrespect me and I won't allow it. I guess that's the way that fuckers that beat up women start... don't you think so?. I honestly don't want to find out if you'd be able to do that. You scared me at the beginning... then you made me change my mind with your sweet ways. Only a good man with lousy temper I thought...but you're proving me wrong day by day. Did you really need to start the new year fighting?.
You're killing me my love... I can't put up with this... if I let you go on... how would we end up?. I'm afraid I've let you gone too far by now. I don't want to break up like this though... so you decide....