Project in SA?

I stopped speaking to L more than three months ago. After we broke up I had been trying to stop talking to him at all, but one way or the other I always ended up calling him. I called him when I was in Oman and all my problems had just started. I felt anxious and alone. I missed him and called him to confort me, and there he was.... colder though, but answering my calls and showing a polite interest. But I wanted more. I wanted him to be there for me as always. And he wasn't. I was so reproachful, and full of resentment. He didn't put up with my tantrums. Not anymore. I decided not to count on him from now one, but once more I lied to myself.
The first time I took PL to the hospital I called him crying late at night. Woke him up... he wasn't very receptive. I was so scared, with that horrible feeling of uneasiness, like I could predict all that was about to come. I cried and I cried. I told him how afraid I was. He knew what she meant to me. He told me not to be so pessimistic, told me to wait for the results of the tests and calm down. We chated almost everyday from the office. He called me when I asked him to. I explained to him that he made me feel safe. That I didn't feel like talking to anybody else but him. That I didn't want anybody else to see me cry. Told him I knew I have no right to call him out of the blue to cry over his shoulder and that I really appreciated his support. Told him I was afraid of being alone. Since I could feel he was distant I asked him If he resented me ( I did resent him, so I assumed he must resent me even more). He didn't. Or so he said. But I could feel him weird. He was not the same.
As days went by he started to be snappy, so busy with his own thing, so stupid to me, the last day he didn't even ask about PL. And I say the last day because that's the day I decided that it would be the last day. I was so worried, suffering so much with PL's illness .... why should I suffer for such a moron with all the pain I was putting up with?. If he wasn't going to help me and support me then I'd rather cut the crap and move on. I had enough problems. He only tried once to talk to me. The following day, on the net. He just said Hi. I didn't reply and he didn't insist. Up to now. Well, to tell you the truth, I didn't expect that. I didn't expect him to let me down in a situation like that. Besides, we hadn't have a fight or anything, so if according to him everything was cool and normal... then why did we stop talking like that? Why didn't he insist? For God's sake... PL was dying and he didn't even bother to ask how she was, or call again to find out how was everything. He knew she meant all to me. That's why I can't understand how could he behave like this, wich such coldness and cruelty. I will never forgive him. I can't. Ever.
I feel such resentment. I'm so mad at him because I found out that I didn't mean the same to him anymore, that he had suceeded in getting over me, which I haven't. I made a point of forgetting him at all. I removed him from my contacts and I didn't allow myself to think of him.I didn't even want to post about him. I was doing pretty well until she died. She was everything to me, and I upset her so much because of him. Yet I can't believe that L behaved like that. I'd like him to know she's dead. I'd like to make him feel guilty for letting me down in such a circumstance. I asked him not to leave me alone but he did!!. I wish I didn't feel such bitterness everytime I think of him.
The thing is I'm trying to go on with my life without PL until yesterday my manager calls me to inform me about a three months project in South Africa. I'm scared like hell. I love South Africa, but I'd meet L for sure at the office. I'm not ready for this. Not now. I'm week rigth now. And I don't know how will I react if I see him again. Let's wait and see if I'm assigned to this project.....