A WEEK
It's been almost a week without news. Please, say something. I have determined not to take the first step this time. It's got to be you. So... what are you waiting for?. I'm dying of impatience.
THE FIRST TIME I MET THE PRINCE
The very first time that I saw him we didn’t talk. I remember that he passed by my side and of course I noticed him. He looked at me and smiled.
Then we met again at work. He was there, although he wasn’t working with me. I looked at him and he smiled again. He smiled not only with his face, but also with his eyes. Although I’ve realized later, I think it was then that I started to loose my mind.
He was not particularly attractive, he was not exactly my type. But he had that kind of look ..., of nice guy, of good boy. A kind of guy that everybody would trust.
He was working with another colleague and they asked me something related to work. I came closer to help them, and when I was by his side I suddenly felt his heat. The heat of his body. I found it quite disturbing, and this made me strangely nervous. This had never happened to me before. I mean, we weren’t that close physically, but I could feel his heat, and I don’t know why, I felt embarrassed. I felt embarrased of being so aware of his physical presence. Kind of difficult to explain.
He was very nice and kind to us (me and my colleagues). Asking us if we liked Egypt, and about he places we’ve been. When we fininished working he suggested us a couple of nice places to go at night. Then, he seemed to think it over, and he offered to take us out. To take us to the places he used to go. It sounded great. You know, when you’re a foreinger, moving around on your own it’s completely different from being with a local. It was a nice gesture from him and we really appreciated it. He was definitely a nice guy.
The next day, we went out with him. He was charming and witty. He talked all the time, with a great sense of humor (which by the way is one of the things that I most value in a guy). He was laughing all the time, with a noisy and spontaneous laughter that made me laugh too. I also noticed that he was very polite. I really liked that.
He seemed to know everybody in that place, and I realized that he was a popular guy, specially among girls, and I didn’t like it at all. So, I wasn’t the only one who found him so charming, hum??.
I was sitting next to him and after a while being by his side, I started to feel dizzy. What was happening to me?.
I found out that we had a lot of things in common, including our family situation. I really loved the way he felt about his family, and I thought it was very sweet of him to care that much about them. I also found out that he had been engaged but broked up with his girlfriend, so he was single ( I was really happy to hear that). God, what the heck was I thinking about!!??.
I knew I was leaving the following day but I was having such a great time that I didn’t want to think about it, I didn’t want the night to end. But, that was it. Another boring bussiness trip that was saved in the end by a nice guy. Just that. I was going to come back from Cairo with a sweet taste and forget about my foolishness.... right???. I was going to meet my boyfriend (I had been missing him so much during these days!!) and forget about this nonsense.
To tell you the truth, the thing is that I also knew that I was going to be back soon, and this fact wasn’t helping much really.
Cause I wanted to see him again.
Badly.
No matter what.
To be continued...
NO ME CREES
I'm too tired to write. This song talks about love in the distance and reflects my feelings about the egyptian prince like if I had wrote the song myself.
NO ME CREES (EFECTO MARIPOSA)
No sé pensar si no te veo,
no puedo oír si no es tu voz,
en mi soledad
yo te escribo y te entrego
en cada beso el corazón.
Ohh
Se apaga el sol en mi ventana
y hace tiempo que ya no sé de ti,
dime cómo te ha ido,
si también estás sola
y si piensas en mí,
sigo aquí.
En todas las palabras, mil caricias y miradas,
tú me dabas lo que nadie me dio en mi vida.
Tu recuerdo me consuela, me desvela ,
me envenena tanto cada día.
¿Qué harías si te pierde este pobre corazón?
Y no me crees cuando te digo que la distancia es el olvido,
no me crees cuando te digo que en el olvido estoy contigo aunque no estés,
y cada día, cada hora, cada instante pienso en ti y no lo ves,
no me crees.
No sé soñar si no es contigo,
yo sólo quiero volverte a ver
y decirte al oído todo lo que te he escrito en este papel,
entiéndeme.
En todas las palabras, mil caricias y miradas
tú me dabas lo que nadie me dio en mi vida.
Tu recuerdo me consuela, me desvela ,
me envenena tanto cada día.
¿Qué harías si te pierde este pobre corazón?
Y no me crees cuando te digo que la distancia es el olvido,
no me crees cuando te digo que en el olvido estoy contigo aunque no estés,
y cada día, cada hora, cada instante pienso en ti y no lo ves.
Y no me crees cuando te digo que no habrá nadie que te quiera como yo,
cuando te pido que en el olvido no me dejes sin razón,
entretenerme en el recuerdo es el remedio que me queda de tu amor.
Y si me entrego a ti sincero
y te hablo al corazón
espero que no me devuelvas un adiós.
Y no me crees cuando te digo que la distancia es el olvido,
no me crees cuando te digo que en el olvido estoy contigo aunque no estés,
y cada día, cada hora, cada instante pienso en ti y no lo ves.
Y no me crees cuando te digo que no habrá nadie que te quiera como yo,
cuando te pido que en el olvido no me dejes sin razón,
entretenerme en el recuerdo es el remedio que me queda de tu amor.
No me crees.
SHE MADE ME SMILE
Today I was coming home in a very bad mood ( at last it’s Friday !!!).
I was waiting for the garage door to open to park my car, when a little girl of about 7 and her mum passed by my side.
The little girl was wearing an indian costume. She looked like a cherokee indian or something like that. She was really ugly and because of that she was very sweet at the same time.
She fixed her look upon me with real interest, and I gave her back a moody look. I sometimes can be disgusting !!!.
She suddenly smiled widely, with a gummy smile as some of her milk teeth were missing, and waved me goodbye as she passed by. I almost melt, and smiled her back as warmly as I could feeling such an idiot!!. I almost felt like crying.
Have you ever tried to smile to the people around?. It’s surprising how a smile can change things (please, don’t think I’m usually moody, in fact, I’m smiling most of the time).
If you haven’t tried, please do. If you give smiles, you receive smiles and you feel strangely comforted and happier. It may sound stupid, but it works.
When you’ve had a great loss in your life, you learn to value things differently.
Why do I waste time worrying and getting angry about such silly things when life can be so much easier?. This little girl has definitely given me a lesson.
I'M OUTSTANDING!!!!
Today at work we have received our annual evaluation as employees, or what is the same, our pay raise.
According to this human resources crap, there are different possible valorations depending on your performance evaluation during the year. I don’t know them by heart (actually, I’ve never paid attention to it) but depending on your performance it’s more or less like this. You can be below expectations, meet expectations, good, very good and outstanding. Most people meet expectations or are good. On the other hand, very few people are below expectations or outstanding.
Even when the results of my company this year have been the best in its history, the pay raise is going to be meaner than ever, for strategic reasons, apparently.
However, this doesn’t seem to apply to the anual kick-off, which this year, appart from being pretty kitsch, must have cost a fortune.
Anyway, when my manager called me this afternoon, I was pretending to work, as I’ve been doing lately (well, specially in the last year). I got into his room and seated there expecting the usual nonsense explanations about the finantial results and their impact on our unit. And suddenly he’s told me that my performance evaluation this year has been outstanding. Me???. I’ve had to concentrate with all my might to avoid roaring with laughter.
After six years on the company, I’ve lost all my motivation and I’ve become so cynical that sometimes I don’t recognize myself. I take as much coffees as I can (in different floors if possible, so they cannot catch me), and I’m most of the time running through the internet wasting time or talking on the phone with my friends. I carry out my job, but I never do more than it is strictly necessary, and of course I don’t give a shit for it. Actually, this is really outstanding!!!
How can I respect my managers and my company after this??? (well, it’s not like I respected them before, you know). I know that I’ve been traveling a lot lately and it’s true that I have to work on weekends from time to time, but it’s the same for all of us, and I know that there are some of my colleagues who still believe in what they do, and work really hard. It is so unfair!!!!.
Honestly, what I find outstanding is that companies are still able to earn money with employees like me.
God, I need to get out of here.
I’ve been two years trying to get out, but I have to admit that this last year I didn’t try very hard to find a new job. This makes me feel lazy and bad.
Besides, I’m fed up with being a technician. I don’t like it. I’ve never liked it!!!. This is not for me. So, I guess it’s time to take it seriously and start again my job search.
I don’t know how I’ve reached this point in my carrer but it’s obviously time for a change. It’s time to find my way, to find the job of my dreams, where I can show how reallly outstanding I am.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?
I don't know why, but I still can't find my inner peace.
Do you think it's possible to love two guys at the same time?.
I promise I love my boyfriend. I adore him. Then… .why I can't help thinking of my egyptian prince??. If I try not to think of him, then is worse, because I dream about him.
Does this mean that my boyfriend is not the man of my life???. Does one know when the man of his life has come?. This stupid situation makes me feel terribly guilty. Maybe if I was truly in love with my boyfriend I wouldn't have set my eyes on the egyptian prince.
Is this a sign that something is not right in this relationship?, Or this is just kind of normal when two people have been together for so long?. Believe me, I cannot imagine my life without him.
Besides, there's the job issue….. I need to find a new one, but I don't make a single move. In my current job I'm absolutely wasted. I have much more to give, much more to do. I have the competence, and I have the brains….
Then why I'm frozen?, Why I'm stuck to this post watching the days go by?. I cannot answer either. I think that deep down inside me I avoid seriously looking for another job because I need to go back to Egypt to find an answer to all my questions.
I'm in a loop for almost a year now…. And I'm so lost that I don't know what to do.
MY EGYPTIAN PRINCE
It all started with a bussines trip. I met him and since then I have not been the same. There’s no peace in me anymore. It’s beyond my control.
I don’t know why I have a gift to get hooked on the wrong kind of guy. Ever since I was too young to understand it, I’ve always got a crush on the unsuitable type of boys. With the exception of my boyfriend, of course (shame on me!!!).
To tell you the truth, I think that the main reason for opening this blog is him. I cannot keep it inside me anymore, it’s burning me like hell.
In the first instance, I started running through the net, looking for different forums and blogs related to egyptians. The cultural difference is so huge that I was only trying to get closer to him, to understand just a little his way of acting... his way of thinking. And that’s how I found the post of the egyptian mozza. I guess that she’s been my inspiration (like many others). This girl is really making me understand a lot of things about their culture and their social life.
Besides, the word mozza souns really funny for a spanish, since in spanish moza (with only one z), means girl, so that’s how the idea of this blog began to take form.
Let’s come back to him, the egyptian prince. Why did he have to be so nice, so funny, so polite (apparently!!), with a never-ending conversation ..... definitely so interesting?.
And why did I have to find him in that very moment of my life (remember I love my boyfriend) and in Cairo (it’s soooo far)?. He made me feel like a fool. It was funny. When he held my hand I blushed, and my legs were shaking. Can you believe it?. He was so sweet, and caring. BTW, in case you were wondering, I will tell you: No, I didn’t cheat on my boyfriend.
At the beginning, when I came back to Madrid there was only one thought in my mind: forget the guy. Unfortunately, we kept smsing and I was falling deeper and deeper. The whole thing went on until the day he decided that it was enough for a play. The cultural difference was so big... you know, he’s a muslim and wants to marry an egyptian girl.. yada yada yada. But it was too late for me then. I’m an extremely passionate girl that’s true, but this guy made me feel different and this is also true.
The story did not ended there, but I don’t really want to go into details now (I will, don’t worry!!).
The thing is that I feel really dissapointed about him (well, I barely knew him, what could I expect?) but even so, he’s on my mind all the time. Or maybe I should said because of that, he’s on my mind all the time. Coming back to the old times, uh??. This is the type of guy who used to attract me, I’ve told you!!
And I can only think of meeting him again. It’s becoming an obsession. What can I do?, What am I going to do?
SHIT!!!, I can’t forget my egyptian prince (or should I say my egyptian frog?????).
MY THIRTIES CRISIS
I guess my thirties crisis started even before being thirty.... and I also think that it’s not only related to the age, but also to the circumstances that changed my life six years ago.
I’m living what seems to be a perfect life. I have a loving family, a perfect boyfriend, good friends (just two real friends if you know what I mean) a good job.... so... why the hell do I have the feeling that I’m missing something?
Before this crisis started, I used to write a lot as a kind of therapy, to clear my thoughts, you know... but I quit it. I was too busy, or that’s what I used to tell me. Actually, I stop writing when I started going out with two guys at the same time. God, that was exhausting!!! (have you ever tried??).
So, today, I was reading other people’s blogs and said, why not?? . It has given me the idea. It’s better that keeping a diary on your own. I suppose It’s a kind of exhibitionism, don’t you think?. It’s weird to write something that intimate and personal thinking that it’s going to be out there and that anybody can read it, but at the same time is exciting.
I may be your sister, or your girlfriend, can you imagine?. I think it’s pretty cool.
My only purpose is to find a way to release the pressure inside me, to feel better. I only mean to be sincere and to talk openly about my life. There’s no other intention.
I hope I enjoy it!!!.
