Stories from Cameroon, part III

So, we’re back from the beach. It’s quite a long trip and I refuse to go in the same car with A. My colleagues are far safer... and we prefer to be all together squeezed in one car.
We go to the house and cook some sweets while A. Takes pics of me working. It’s getting kind of annoying this pics thing now. He helps in the kitchen... I can see he knows what he’s doing. I like guys who enjoy cooking btw. We have a tea, chat for a long while and then we decide to go somewhere to have a drink. He’s been all the time sitting by my side.
We go to this place and start playing pool in pairs. He wants to play with me though he knows I suck at pool. But the way he gives me advice is cute. I can feel he’s trying to get closer to me, the music there is cool also. He tells me so and I’m glad that he likes the same type of music I like. That gives me a sense of proximity. Gosh I like the him....that’s why I inmediately start talking with somebody else, deliberately turning my back on him even tough I feel he’s waiting for me to come back. I don’t. I can’t allow myself to get carried away.
We finish our drinks and we move. Some people want to go to bed and others want to go to another place but I prefer not to say anything. We finally head for the hotel. A. is going in another car but before he gets into it he pulls the back pocket of my pants and gives me a look that I prefer not to remember. All the way to the hotel the guys are craking jokes about A, betting that he will be waiting for me at the lobby. When we get to the hotel A. Is not there. I don’t say anything. We’re waiting for the lift when A. Shows up. He was hidden somewhere waiting for us. Trying to look nonchalant he offers me a coconut. LOL. I avoid the guys look. He starts asking cheerfully who wants to go to sleep but we all ignore him. I can feel I’m blushing.
Once I’m alone in my room I can’t sleep. I need to talk to him. I can’t leave it like this.... Guess what, I call him, and guess what, he’s not answering. I insist and insist but he’s not answering. I’m really pissed by now. Damn it. What does he think I’m going to do to him? Rape him????.
I barely sleep and next morning at breakfast I tell him that I need to talk before he leaves for the office. He goes to the pool bar and waits for me there. I don’t know how to start... I was calling you last night. Really I didn’t hear anything, I disconnected the phone. Cut the crap pls.... I don’t know why you’re behaving like that. I want to be honest with you. I like you but I have a boyfriend. We’re not in the best of our times but even if we’re about to break up this is not right, and I don’t want you to think I’m messing around with you or something, because I really like you, but this is just not rigth. He starts stuttering... well, nothing has happened because I didn’t want anything to happen (Excuse me?????). What would be the point? In two days you’d be gone. You were all the time with your colleagues, was difficult to talk to you at ease. I have a great respect for you but I don’t trust myself.... It’s better this way. Whatever. You are very special in your own sort of way, I’ve never met a girl like you who enjoyed traveling around Africa as much as me. And I’m impressed of how you’ve been mature enough to talk to me openly about it. Well, it was eating me inside, that’s why I was calling you last nigth... I needed to tell you because I didn’t want you to think I was fooling around with you. I’m not that type of girl. He’s still stuttering. Well I’m not like you. I can’t talk about my feelings like that. Not even with my close friends, not that I have many. Besides, I don’t understand what can you like about me (oh... come on, now you want me to tell you how charming you are?). I just don’t know. Only know that I liked you from the first time I saw you on the lift, when I didn’t even know I was going to work with you, but I’m with somebody else and this just cannot be. I can tell by the way he looks at me that he remembers the first time we met on the lift also. He insist. I don’t know what can you like about me. Well A., I think we should move now or you’ll be late to work. He’s still dumbstruck. OK, but please I don’t want you to think that I was playing with you because it’s not the case. It’s cool A., don’t worry, let’s go now....
He seems so dejected the rest of the day. I’m cool though... I feel much better after having dumped everything inside me. We have lunch as a farewell together with all the team but I don’t seat by him. He’s looking at me all the time so intently that I’m about to tease him but I guess it wouldn’t be nice to do that in front of everybody. I avoid his eyes. At the end of the meal he throws the chocolate he got with his coffee to my head, from the other side of the table. I’m puzzled. He looks so shy but he’s not embarrassed of doing idiotic things with all the people there. I thank him avoiding his eyes. I rush because we need to do some shopping before packing and he says he’ll wait for us at the hotel. We meet later... I pack while the guys are having a beer with A. by the pool. When I finish and join them he sits by me, asking me what do I want to drink. He’s more nervous than ever... moving all the time, getting up...coming back.. dropping his cigarrettes. Staring at me. One of the times I hold his gaze. My stomach falls to the floor. We can’t take the eyes off each other. The guys want to go early to the airport so they get up and go for the luggage. Are you going also? A. Asks me. I can stay five minutes more....but as soon as we’re alone I decide to pay and leave since I’m nervous also. He wants to help me with the bags. The guys will help me, dont worry. I don’t want to be alone with him in my room. No way. He seems disappointed. I’ll wait for you at the lobby then.
When I go down everybody is waiting for me there. All my colleagues say goodbye to A. In Spain we usually give two kisses to friends, and A. knows that. He saw me kissing everybody else goodbye. So when I turn to him he want to shake hands with me. He’s offering me his hand with a fake serious face. Come off it !!, I say, and he insists. Then he bursts out laughing and he opens his arms wide. Without knowing what I’m doing I jump into his open arms and he hugs me, holding me tight. I can feel I’m blushing and at the same time my eyes are filling with tears. Damn it... I just can’t start crying now. Not now!!!. I finally manage to control it and I head for the car without turning back hoping my colleagues cannot see my face. I’m silent all the way back to the airport...
So... anybody can shed some light on this?. I guess after the last couple of jerks in my life I’m more used to the alpha male type, and A’s behaviour is totally disconcerting to me. Any clues? Any help out there?

Is this the end?

Me: I just can’t stand this. You’re killing me but without you I die
L: Silence
Me: My feelings haven’t changed, I’m still in love with you and for me what we have now it’s not enough
L: Silence
Me: Say something please
L: I don’t know what to say
Me: I think of you every waking hour. And I dream about you all the time. My first thought in the morning is for you, and my last thought before I go to sleep is for you. You are still my priority. Nothing has changed for me.
L: Why weren’t you like this when we were together?. You never showed me that you felt that way. You’ve always made me feel that I was the last thing for you.
Me: I’ve always been like this. It’s just that you’ve been blind all the time
L: I thought we were OK talking like this
Me: Are you happy with our situation now?, How are you managing?
L: Yeah, I’m OK
Me: Well, I’m not. I don’t want to be a pain also. I know myself and If we go on like this from time to time I’ll start to complain about you and I won’t stop. I’ll harass you.
L(affectionate tone): You’re going to have one of your tantrums from time to time and throw your toys out of the cot?
Me (crying): I’m serious, I can’t go on like this. I’ve been thinking that it’s better if we stop talking.
L: Silence
Me: What do you think?
L: It’s up to you
Me: I’m feeling miserable and making the people who love me miserable also.... I’m really sorry but I can’t go on like this.
L: Silence
Me: OK, I have to go now... bye.

Stories from Cameroon: freaker that I thougth. Part II

Since I travel a lot because of my job I’ve always thought it’s weird to ”live together” with people you barely know. Specially in certain dangerous countries where you can’t go out alone, your colleagues are your only friends and family at that time. Strong and at the same time strange links are created... a forced intimacy is created that in some cases later leads to true attachment and frienship. Even if you spend only a week together, it feels like you know that people for years. In most cases you’ve gone through certain situations that in normal circumstances you’d only share with your family or very close friends. It’s an interesting phenomenon.

A’s attitude was more and more disconcerting every day. He seemed in a daze. Was staring at me all the time to the extent that was making me uncomfortable. I couldn’t talk to him normally either, felt so weird...but at the same time I was conscious that I was also sending him signals. It was unintentionally I guess... but I loved the way he called my name, and the way he said bastard, lol, and his accent. He started to take pics of me with his camera, which is one of the most embarrassing things that someone you’re interested in can do to you, specially if all your colleagues are looking at it with amusement.

One of the nights he didn’t go out for dinner... he was sick, or so he said, but he only told my colleagues not me. I wanted to talk to him, sms him or something but I didn’t have his number... so when we were back at hotel I called him to his room. OK, OK, I know that it’s too daring, I know... but I just wanted to talk to him. He was surprised... but he sounded happy to hear me. Thanked me for the call, and that was all. Next day when we met at the lift in the morning I was a bit embarrased though... I mean, I wasn’t supposed to know his room number.

We went out for dinner to this cool place and I did some stupid things like recording my number on his phone... gosh... can you beleive that?. He was very receptive, actually he literally pushed away one of the guys to seat by me on the car. We were so close, talking crap and pretend to follow a conversation but I could tell he was feeling just like me.
But that’s not the worst... when we came back to the hotel both of us were trying to prolong conversation as much as possible but the guys wanted to go to sleep and so we did. Once in my room I couldn’t resist calling him again. He was amused when he heard me asking .. what u doing???. He told me go to sleep like if I was a little girl and we hung up. But I called again... gosh.. and guess what.... he didn’t anwer the phone... can you beleive this?... I insisted... I’m not the type that just lets it go... lol.. and he didn’t answer at all. I was so pissed and lost... I mean.. if he liked me, why didn’t he want to talk to me?. Do you have any clue?.

He saved the best for the last day. We all went to the beach. Have you ever been in a situation like this? When you want to be with one person but you just can’t because you’re surrounded by people?. I’m sure he was feeling the same. He was seeking me all the time and I was determined to ignore him. But he came to me. We were talking about us. More personal than ever. In the meantime he was making a fool of himself, literally running after me, taking pics, rubbing his head against my arm, holding me by the ankle when I wanted to swimm or making gymn exercises by the pool while the guys were laughing their heads off. They were making jokes in Spanish and I’m not that sure A. Didn’t understand. I was even laughing myself... so I went to lay on the beach and he wasn’t embarrased at all to come by my side in spite of the jokes. The whole day went on like that. I even caught him staring at my bum and he bursted out laughing when he noticed. It was getting dark, so we planned to go back to town to take a drink. It was the last night... so I have to admit that I was kind of curious about what he was planning to do. Would he say something to me?
Do you want to know how the story ends? Do you want to find out how I made an absolute fool of myself?... then don’t miss the next post. To be continued....

Stories from Cameroon or the mysterious freak: Part I

Met him the first day there, at the hotel lift. I didn’t even know we were going to work together. You know how these lift rides are, kind of embarrassing. Two unknown people so close in such a tiny box. We said hi, and I wondered where was he from, because he didn’t sound French...I thought he was cute, good looking … there was definitely something about him.
At lunch time he happened to be inside our car with my colleagues…. Just as easy. We were all working for the same company there, so from then on, he joined us for everything, and we spend together all our time in Douala.
Thin, nervous… couldn’t stand still, beautiful sensitive hands, not very talkative although maybe compared to us, Spaniards nobody talks much…. And it’s also true that the guys, rude as usual, tended to speak in Spanish, so even if I tried to translate for him it was pretty difficult. I liked his accent though, very British.
When he mentioned that it was full moon I felt a kind of connection with him. I’ve always been touched by the beauty of the moon, or a sunset, or a view from a mountain top. I used to tell L. about it but he never understood me. He used to say, yeah… moon is huge tonight, so what??? . It’s nice to find people who share that feeling, who can vibrate with the same emotions … makes you feel much closer to them.
The first days A. was a bit disconcerting to me. I wasn’t particularly interested on him, but I caught him staring at me many times. Apparently I wasn’t the only one to notice that, since my colleagues started to tease me about him.… He took me by the hand to dance, pulling my arm and insisting when I said no, making me feel really embarrassed of being so close to him while everybody else was looking at us. I politely got rid of him as soon as I could. The thing is he wasn’t acting like a shy guy at all, until we he happened to be alone for the first time. I was having a drink with one of the guys and A. joined us. My colleague had to go unexpectedly and A. must have noticed the look I gave him begging him not to leave me alone. Not even 5 minutes after that, and even when we had barely sipped our drinks, he said… ok, lets go… I need to swim (btw it must have been like 1a.m.). Gosh… I was thinking… this guy’s a freak.
The first weeks we were really busy at work, so there wasn’t much time for fun and in the mean time L. was giving me such a crap time. By the time we finally finish job and started to chill out I was feeling so blue that I didn’t even feel like going out. While we were in that place with half-naked chicks (that’s what you get if you go out with 9 guys) I called L. telling him how sad I was and how much I was missing him, and all he told me was “Hakuna Matata”, don’t be sad and enjoy. When I came back I was on the verge of tears. A. was sitting opposite me… and he got up and came by my side, just to ask me if everything was OK. I was puzzled… were you calling home? He asked. Well, not really… but do you have any problem?... mmm…sort of. Don’t worry, you’ll be OK. I was so sincerely touched by his gesture that I had to go to the toilet to cry at ease. That was an inflection point. He won me that night. We were exchanging glances the whole night…I could see that he wanted to talk to me but I didn’t want to show any interest in front of my colleagues. I was avoiding him all the time… but when he said he wanted to go to bed I begged him to stay. And he did. We went to that dance club and he took me by the hand and moved away from my colleagues. Like 30 secs. after that he said let’s go back with them, and right after that he went to sleep. I didn’t dare to insist again and by then I was thinking he was a psycho.

Next day the guys told me that A. had been asking them separately if I was married and if I had a boyfriend. I was pissed. I mean, I asked him openly if he was married. Why that crap then, couldn’t he just ask me directly?. I was so puzzled. I was starting to have feelings for A. but I was totally confused.
Since we had finished the main part of the job the remaining days there were going to be relaxed… braais by the pool, trips to the beach…and I could feel that I was starting to loose control of the situation. To be continued…