From South Africa to Egypt

About L:
After my southafrican honeymoon I'm back to reality. Safari under the pouring rain while he holds me and tries to protect me from the rain with his body, BBQ under the full moon… or jumping in the huge waves on the South Coast beaches…my days with L. have been one of the most wonderful experiences of my life. I love Africa… it smells and tastes different.
I'm discovering L more and more. Getting used to each other is sweet and bitter at the same time. L is a good person. He's got a huge heart, only comparable to his immensurable jealousy and moodiness, which he can't control, by the way. But he's loving and caring… The way such a tough guy as him cooks for me or kisses me all the time is so touching…. And he makes me feel so safe. Never felt safer with any other guy… When he holds me tight i feel at home… difficult to explain. And I'm still hiding the truth… He's back to Madrid in two weeks again and my problem now is worse than ever.

About R:
R has admitted that he's getting used to life without me, since I've been out so much lately. Fine. I didn't miss him while I was with L… only when I was in Sweden but when I tried to make him understand that I needed him, he was too busy with his own problems. I don't want to be selfish… I know he's not in his best moment at bussiness but... what about us?... I don't want to complain too much now that he's not having a good time and the thing is that I'm going to Egypt on Sunday and I'm going to leave him alone for another week…. And after I come back from Egypt L will be in Madrid, so I'll try to spend with him all my time….ffff I prefer not to think about it.

About the Egyptian Prince:
Egyptian Prince is really talkative lately, since I told him that I was going to be in Cairo next week. He even called me to my mobile…. Lol… he's never done that before. He used to tell me that he was not allowed international calls in his mobile….maybe now he is, because I know he's now a manager… but I still think he lied to me… jerk…. Anyway, I didn't answer the call… fuck him... The thing is that I really look forward to meeting him again, and now I'm different…or so I feel at least. I think I'm strong enough to play with him this time… We will see...

Snowy loneliness

I´ve always thought snow dignifies everything it touches. Makes everything appear clean, brand new, pure and soft. I wish it snowed over me, and that snow covered me up to wash away my guilt and make me seem also clean and pure.
I´m in Sweden. Alone. On my own cos the jerk i have for a colleague left me alone again. Cool. Never liked him anyway. It´s good to be alone from time to time.
I have plenty of time to think... though the more i think the worse i feel.

I´m going to South Africa to visit L. tomorrow. I know I´m freaking crazy. I wanted to end this story when he left Spain... and not only I didn´t break up with him, but we´re meeting again!!!. It´s such a long story... going on for almost 5 months now... and I didn´t find the energy to post all what happened when he was in Spain...
Tomorrow it´s going to be a long day. I´ve got to take a plane early in the morning to go back to Madrid, and then I´ll fly to South Africa at night.
But I´m so sad now.... I barely spoke to R. yesterday and today. He knew I has here sad and alone but he didn´t care. I know he´s having such a hard time at work lately, but that´s not reason enough. I´m not blaming him for doing what I´m doing... but if he paid me more attention things won´t be like this for sure. We´ve spoken on the phone but he never got to me... We didn´t connect, if you know what I mean. And I specially needed that connection with him... I need to feel that I still can save this... that things will go back to normal... that I´m only a bored spoilt brat who can´t appreciate what she got.... I needed that connection today more than ever, but it hasn´t been possible.

So, I´ve tried to walk for a while in this beautiful city this afternoon. It´s cool to walk alone in a place where nobody knows you... where you can watch people without being watched. But it´s freaking cold and snowing like crazy. Snow gets into your eyes and cold gets into your bones. It was snowing that much that I decided to have an early dinner. The only thing I don´t like about being alone is having dinner on my own in a restaurant. Why all the guys think they have the right to stalk a lonely girl?, huh?.... Can´t I just have a beer in peace alone?.

About my other issue, after complaining to my manager for having chosen another one for the job, he changed his mind and assigned me for the job in Egypt. I don´t know why I keep making so many efforts for this stupid guy. I already told him that I was going to Cairo, although I´m not speaking much to him lately.
I´m supposed to go there really soon...just a week after I come back from South Africa. Now I only hope that the customer wont change his mind. We will see... I´ll only find out when I´m back from my holiday.

So this is it... I´ll be missing for a while...please... wish me good luck :-)