L is still mine

I can feel he's still mine. I know him so well. He was fighting with himself, but I won the battle. He ignored me at the beginning of my stay here but as days went by and I kept on ignoring him he looked for me. He came closer and closer. At first it was an email every now and then. Then one day he connected to the messenger after five months missing ( I guess he just removed my banning), and we started talking in the messenger. Then came the sms, and eventually we met. Our first meeting was a bit akward. Talking like old friends and avoiding dangerous subjects. I was calmer than the first time we met. Controlling the situation. I knew he had to go, but I could feel he wanted to stay longer with me. He called me late that night, like in the old times. That's when I realized he was still mine. He told me he'd call me tomorrow and he didn't call in the whole weekend, but I didn't worry. I already knew he was still mine. I haven't lost my effect over him, no matter how hard he fights it. Then after being missing several days he called me for dinner and from then on we've been meeting from time to time. Shopping and lunch together, movies... I eventually tried to talk about our blurry situation but he told me please don't start. Fine.. that's how he sorted it out. Fine. This last week he's been a bit crossed. He's angry with me, and above all, I'd say he's angry with himself for his behaviour towards me. He holds me really tight when we sleep together... tight, tight, even though when he's awake he's not affectionate to me. I'm leaving tomorrow, so tonight's my last night but I have plans with other people. I didn't dare to tell him and I don't think he'll try to meet me tonight. I hope he doesn't actually, because he's going to be really angry if I tell him I have plans. Yesterday was our anniversay. I didn't want to mention it, though I'm sure he remembers. But none of us said anything. I didn't want to ask him if he knew what day it was, because he was so crossed that he would have said no and I would have been upset. So this has been the thing this time. Unstable balance, pending on a thread. Avoiding any type of serious subject, pretending not to care and having a nonchalant attitude. This morning when we wake up I told him: L, you know I love you, don't you? and he slowly nodded while he held me tight....