Here we go again

I think I’ve screwed it up.
I knew that he was going to be there, and I have to admit that I liked the idea…I was curious about him ever since I first saw him in Madrid. And I needed to drive my mind away from the Egyptian Prince. I wanted to get rid of the feeling he provokes me. He’s made my self-esteem lower than ever. The feeling of being rejected, always begging for his attention and feeling ignored most of the time. Always alert... trying to contact him and waiting to be turned down. I needed reassurance. I just wanted to play you know.... play with somebody the way the Egyptian Prince had been playing with me. But I’ve gone too far now.... I’ve lied to him and now I’ve realized that noboy deserves to pay for what other’s have done. He’s not a jerk... he’s sweet and I’m so ashamed of my behaviour. He’s showing me he’s got real interest, and actually I find that I care for him more than I expected to care. But I know my boundaries, and even though I’m not sure about how will I end up with R, I’m not that bitch. I don’t deserve none of them and the Prince does not deserve me. But that’s the way it works.