Lost
I’m overwhelmed by what I’ve been living the last three months.
L does not seem to accept a no for an answer and he’s coming to Madrid in two weeks. At the beggining I was really flattered, but now I’m truly scared about this situation. I’m eager to see him again, but I’m risking a lot here. R and I are not in our best moment, that’s true, but I don’t want to loose him and I just can’t cheat on him.
On the other hand, L is showing me that he really cares and is ready to accept my conditions, but I must not forget he’s a dangerous guy. We’ve been having big rows since we met because he wants to control everything about me. When he’s mad at me he’s scary, but when we’re ok, he’s so sweet that he has made me wonder... Why not?, If I don’t try I’ll never know. The thing is that I’ve hurt L unintentionally and I haven’t been honest with him. That’s not right, and I don’t feel good. But I can’t tell him the truth, it’s too late for that, and this is stressing me like hell. It’s just eating me.
In the meantime the Egyptian Prince has been talking to me in msn, and has sent me some new pics. I should have deleted the email as soon as I got it, but I didn’t... big mistake. When I saw him everything started over, and I started talking nonsense with him again. I have no will with this guy, damn. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I still have no news about this job in Egypt, but I got the feeling that the job is already mine. In any case, It will be in a few months, because I’m still working for another project.
So that’s how I am right now... just waiting and wondering what’s going to happen with my life. I guess I’ve never been that lost.
L does not seem to accept a no for an answer and he’s coming to Madrid in two weeks. At the beggining I was really flattered, but now I’m truly scared about this situation. I’m eager to see him again, but I’m risking a lot here. R and I are not in our best moment, that’s true, but I don’t want to loose him and I just can’t cheat on him.
On the other hand, L is showing me that he really cares and is ready to accept my conditions, but I must not forget he’s a dangerous guy. We’ve been having big rows since we met because he wants to control everything about me. When he’s mad at me he’s scary, but when we’re ok, he’s so sweet that he has made me wonder... Why not?, If I don’t try I’ll never know. The thing is that I’ve hurt L unintentionally and I haven’t been honest with him. That’s not right, and I don’t feel good. But I can’t tell him the truth, it’s too late for that, and this is stressing me like hell. It’s just eating me.
In the meantime the Egyptian Prince has been talking to me in msn, and has sent me some new pics. I should have deleted the email as soon as I got it, but I didn’t... big mistake. When I saw him everything started over, and I started talking nonsense with him again. I have no will with this guy, damn. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I still have no news about this job in Egypt, but I got the feeling that the job is already mine. In any case, It will be in a few months, because I’m still working for another project.
So that’s how I am right now... just waiting and wondering what’s going to happen with my life. I guess I’ve never been that lost.
posted by spanish_moza at 6:07 PM
2 Comments:
i've jjust discovered you blog, you remind me of someone:ME!
this egyptian is a fucker, keep playing with him, but don't think seriously about him, well, just my opinion...
Hi fraoulassan :-))
Thanks for your advice...that's what I'm trying to do... play...but I find it difficult, specially lately that we're talking a lot. But you're right, he's just a fucker ;-))
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